My sister was the 166th doctor to be murdered in Gaza

"Your lives will continue. With new events and new faces. They are the faces of your children, who will fill your homes with noise and laughter."

These were the last words written by my sister in a text message to one of her daughters.

Dr. Soma Baroud was murdered on October 9 when Israeli warplanes bombed a taxi that carried her and other tired Gazans somewhere near the Bani Suhaila roundabout near Khan Yunis, in the southern Gaza Strip. 

I am still unable to understand whether she was on her way to the hospital, where she worked or leaving the hospital to go home. Does it even matter? 

The news of her murder — or, more accurately assassination, as Israel has deliberately targeted and killed 986 medical workers, including 165 doctors — arrived through a screenshot copied from a Facebook page.

"Update: These are the names of the martyrs of the latest Israeli bombing of two taxis in the Khan Yunis area...," the post read.

It was followed by a list of names. "Soma Mohammed Mohammed Baroud" was the fifth name on the list, and the 42,010th on Gaza's ever-growing list of martyrs.

I refused to believe the news, even when more posts began popping up everywhere on social media, listing her as number five, and sometimes six in the list of martyrs of the Khan Yunis strike.

I kept calling her, over and over again, hoping that the line would crackle a bit, followed by a brief silence, and then her kind, motherly voice would say, "Marhaba Abu Sammy. How are you, brother?" But she never picked up.

I had told her repeatedly that she does not need to bother with elaborate text or audio messages due to the unreliable Internet connection and electricity. "Every morning," I said, "just type: 'We are fine'." That’s all I asked of her. 

But she would skip several days without writing, often due to the lack of an Internet connection. Then, a message would arrive, though never brief. She wrote with a torrent of thoughts, linking up her daily struggle to survive, to her fears for her children, to poetry, to a Qur'anic verse, to one of her favokurite novels and so on. 

"You know, what you said last time reminds me of Gabriel García Márquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude," she said on more than one occasion, before she would take the conversation into the most complex philosophical spins. I would listen, and just repeat, "Yes... totally... I agree... one hundred per cent."

For us, Soma was a larger-than-life figure. This is precisely why her sudden absence has shocked us to the point of disbelief. Her children, though grown up, felt orphaned. But her brothers, me included, felt the same way.

I wrote about Soma as a central character in my book "My Father Was a Freedom Fighter", because she was indeed central to our lives and to our very survival in a Gaza refugee camp.

The first born and only daughter, she had to carry a much greater share of work and expectations than the rest of us. 

She was just a child, when my eldest brother Anwar, still a toddler, died in an UNRWA clinic at the Nuseirat refugee camp due to the lack of medicine. Then, she was introduced to pain, the kind of pain that with time turned into a permanent state of grief that would never abandon her until her murder by a US-supplied Israeli bomb in Khan Yunis. 

Two years after the death of the first Anwar, another boy was born. They also called him Anwar, so that the legacy of the first boy may carry on. Soma cherished the newcomer, maintaining a special friendship with him for decades to come.

My father began his life as a child labourer, then a fighter in the Palestine Liberation Army, then a police officer during the Egyptian administration of Gaza, then, once again a labourer; that is because he refused to join the Israeli-funded Gaza police force after the war of 1967, known as the Naksa.

A clever, principled man, and a self-taught intellectual, my Dad did everything he could to provide a measure of dignity for his small family; and Soma, a child, often barefoot, stood by him every step of the way.

When he decided to become a merchant, as in buying discarded and odd items in Israel and repackaging them to sell in the refugee camp, Soma was his main helper. Though her skin healed, cuts on her fingers, due to individually wrapping thousands of razors, remained a testament to the difficult life she lived.

"Soma's little finger is worth more than a thousand men," my father would often repeat, to remind us, ultimately five boys, that our sister will always be the main heroine in the family's story. Now that she is a martyr, that legacy has been secured for eternity.

Years later, my parents would send her to Aleppo to obtain a medical degree. She returned to Gaza, where she spent over three decades healing the pain of others, though never her own.

She worked at Al Shifa Hospital, at Nasser Hospital among other medical centres. Later, she obtained another certificate in family medicine, opening a clinic of her own. She did not charge the poor and did all she could to heal those victimised by war. 

Soma was a member of a generation of female doctors in Gaza that truly changed the face of medicine, collectively putting great emphasis on the rights of women to medical care and expanding the understanding of family medicine to include psychological trauma with particular emphasis on the centrality, but also the vulnerability of women in a war-torn society. 

When my daughter Zarefah managed to visit her in Gaza shortly before the war, she told me that "when aunt Soma walked into the hospital, an entourage of women — doctors, nurses and other medical staff — would surround her in total adoration".

At one point, it felt that all of Soma's suffering was finally paying off: A nice family home in Khan Yunis, with a small olive orchard and a few palm trees; a loving husband, himself a professor of law and eventually the dean of law school at a reputable Gaza university; three daughters and two sons, whose educational specialties ranged from dentistry to pharmacy, to law to engineering.

Life, even under siege, at least for Soma and her family, seemed manageable. True, she was not allowed to leave the Strip for many years due to the blockade, and thus we were denied the chance to see her for years on end. True, she was tormented by loneliness and seclusion, thus her love affair and constant citation from García Márquez's seminal novel. But at least her husband was not killed or went missing. Her beautiful house and clinic were still standing. And she was living and breathing, communicating her philosophical nuggets about life, death, memories and hope. 

"If I could only find the remains of Hamdi, so that we can give him a proper burial," she wrote to me last January, when the news circulated that her husband was executed by an Israeli quadcopter in Khan Yunis.

But since the body remained missing, she held on to some faint hope that he was still alive. Her boys, on the other hand, kept digging in the wreckage and debris of the area where Hamdi was shot, hoping to find him and to give him a proper burial. They would often be attacked by Israeli drones in the process of trying to unearth their father's body. They would run away, and return with their shovels to carry on with the grim task.

To maximise their chances of survival, my sister's family decided to split up between displacement camps and other family homes in southern Gaza.

This meant that Soma had to be in a constant state of moving, travelling, often long distances on foot, between towns, villages and refugee camps, just to check on her children, following every incursion and every massacre.

"I am exhausted," she kept telling me. "All I want from life is for this war to end, for new cozy pajamas, my favourite book, and a comfortable bed." 

These simple and reasonable expectations looked like a mirage, especially when her home in the Qarara area, in Khan Yunis, was demolished by the Israeli army last month. 

"My heart aches. Everything is gone. Three decades of life, of memories, of achievement, all turned into rubble," she wrote.

"This is not a story about stones and concrete. It is much bigger. It is a story that cannot be fully told, however long I wrote or spoke. Seven souls had lived here. We ate, drank, laughed, quarreled and despite all the challenges of living in Gaza, we managed to carve out a happy life for our family," she continued.

A few days before she was killed, she told me that she had been sleeping in a half-destroyed building belonging to her neighbours in Qarara. She sent me a photo taken by her son, as she sat on a makeshift chair, on which she also slept amidst the ruins. She looked tired, so very tired.

There was nothing I could say or do to convince her to leave. She insisted that she wanted to keep an eye on the rubble of what remained of her home. Her logic made no sense to me. I pleaded with her to leave. She ignored me, and instead kept sending me photos of what she had salvaged from the rubble, an old photo, a small olive tree, a birth certificate.

My last message to her, hours before she was killed, was a promise that when the war is over, I will do everything in my power to compensate her for all of this. That the whole family would meet in Egypt, or Türkiye, and that we will shower her with gifts, and boundless family love. I finished with, "let's start planning now. Whatever you want. You just say it. Awaiting your instructions..." She never saw the message.

Even when her name, as yet another casualty of the Israeli genocide in Gaza was mentioned in local Palestinian news, I refused to believe it. I continued to call. "Please pick up, Soma, please pick up," I pleaded with her.

Only when a video emerged of white body bags arriving at Nasser Hospital in the back of an ambulance, I thought maybe my sister was indeed gone.

Some of the bags had the names of the others mentioned in the social media posts. Each bag was pulled out separately and placed on the ground. A group of mourners, bereaved men, women and children would rush to hug the body, screaming the same shouts of agony and despair that accompanied this ongoing genocide from the first day.

Then, another bag, with the name “Soma Mohammed Mohammed Baroud” written across the thick white plastic. Her colleagues carried her body and gently laid it on the ground. They were about to zip the bag open to verify her identity. I looked the other way.

I refuse to see her but in the way that she wanted to be seen, a strong person, a manifestation of love, kindness and wisdom, whose "little finger is worth more than a thousand men". 

But why do I continue to check my messages with the hope that she will text me to tell me that the whole thing was a major, cruel misunderstanding and that she is okay?

My sister Soma was buried under a small mound of dirt, somewhere in Khan Yunis.

No more messages from her.

Ramzy Baroud is a journalist, author and the editor of The Palestine Chronicle